I have delayed in sending out our holiday picture this year because I have a fear of what others will think when they look at our picture.  Specifically, my partner’s shirt as the word “ass’ on it with a full busted woman front and center.  It doesn’t matter that the shirt actually reads “Ragged Ass Barbershop” not “Ragged Ass Bar”, and that Ragged Ass is a road in Yellowknife where my hubs had an amazing adventure this fall, or that he was so busy running 3 kids to 3 different activities that morning that he had no time to shower, let alone pay attention to what he was wearing.

Most people in our lives will think nothing of the picture.  But others may disapprove and make judgments about the inappropriateness of the words and image on the shirt. They may not even hang our picture on their fridge (gasp!). This worry about what others think stems from a religious upbringing where there was a definite set of rules to abide by in terms of right and wrong.

Though I have long since parted ways with the rules and beliefs of that system, the same old story I grew up with of making good impressions, doing the “right” thing, and coming across as “proper” are playing over and over in my head.  What will "those" people think of us?  They surely will look down on us and categorize us as one of those really screwed up, worldly families.  Why do I fear what others think?  How can I not care about what others think? Is it possible to override the story that I must present a certain way in order for people to approve?   

Maybe I should not send out the photo to play it safe in case anyone is offended and would think less of me.  Or maybe I should send it out because doing so feels uncomfortable, yet more authentic and true to who I am. That picture is a snapshot of a regular day in the life of my family, unedited.

Ignoring the pile of pictures on the table certainly does not make it go away, in fact, it makes it worse.  Giving attention to it feels better.  Sorting through the ins and outs of my worry of what others will think of me actually encourages me to step out of the old story and forge a new path, one which messy and risky, but more genuine.

I am wishing you a Christmas that is not picture perfect, but true to who you are.  Nurture those messy parts of yourself that would rather hide away.  Strive to be a little more unedited, a little less perfect, a little more messy.

Until next time,

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