As I was watching my thoughts come and go one morning, I became aware that I was treating myself quite shabbily by criticizing, complaining, and blaming myself for various things. Here is a snapshot of what my thoughts looked like: “You’ll never get X done.” “It’s all too hard.” “I might as well give up.” “You’re undisciplined.” “Why can’t you be more consistent?” “You’ll never achieve X.” “X is probably mad at me.” “I feel so lousy.” “This is stressful.” “I’m a loser.” “How can I help people when I don’t have my own shit together?” “I’m a hypocrite.”
Can you identify with the thought faucet? Sometimes it drips and sometimes it flows full force. When we get all tangled up in negative thoughts, there are several consequences:
Feeling like crap.
Feeling paralyzed and procrastinating.
Spending your energy either fighting or avoiding sticky thoughts instead of moving toward your goals.
Moving toward your goals but feeling like there is a large mound of cement tied to your butt.
None of the above feels good. Is there a way to set yourself free? In a nutshell, yes, but it takes some practice. When you commit to practice psychological skills that put some space or separation between you and your thoughts, you may find it easier to press ahead with what truly matters. Here are some experiments to try:
- When you notice your mind chattering away, notice what it’s saying and say, “thanks mind,” or, “that’s an interesting thought.” Awareness that you are not your thoughts and that you can observe your thoughts is the aim here.
- Imagine your mind as a radio broadcast. What is the tone of the broadcast? Is it spitting out messages of doom and gloom? Fear and terror? How near or far away is the radio? Can you imagine putting the radio in a corner of the room and turning down the volume a bit? You may still hear the broadcast, but it is now just background noise.
- Ask yourself: do my thoughts control the actions I take? If you think they do, say to yourself, “that’s an interesting thought,” and challenge this thought. Where would you be and what would you be doing if every single thought you had led to a corresponding action? I am certain that I would be in jail. Or dead. Here is an experiment to try: think to yourself, “I will not raise my arm” while raising your arm. See? Thoughts do not control actions. It is possible to have negative thoughts while at the same time taking action on what is most important to you.
Our minds are chatter boxes, problem solvers, and reason-giving machines. When working with thoughts, the aim is not to get rid of them, but to relate to them in such a way that they don’t impact our ability to live a life that “grabs” us, one of meaning and satisfaction. Try the tips above and see what happens.
Until next time,
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