Mothers who have lost children

Those who have lost mothers

Those with strained mother relationships

Mothers with strained child relationships

Those who have chosen not to be mothers

Those yearning to be mothers

Mother’s Day, for some, is not the happy Hallmark-type day we see proclaimed in stores and social media.  Given that many of us struggle with family of origin issues let alone pain and strain with our own children or the devastation of trying to conceive and not being able to, it seems ironic that there would be a holiday dedicated to mothers. 

Don’t get me wrong.  There are plenty of happy mothers whose families gather around to celebrate them and they should be celebrated; it is a wonderful day.  Mothers make many sacrifices and often put their own needs on the back burner in order to look after the needs of their children.  Mothers are often selfless.  Mothers can be amazing role models.  And many children, young and old, adore their mothers and have strong and healthy relationships with them.  What a special relationship to celebrate.

This post is for those who are experiencing pain today.  If you are ambivalent about mother’s day, that is okay.  You are allowed to feel that way.  If mother’s day brings up feelings of guilt, anger, resentment, sadness, and pain, that is normal because you are a human being, and humans experience all kinds of emotions related to family.  There is no way you “should” feel except the way you are feeling right now.  Take that feeling and be with it.  Hold it gently.  Probe it like a curious scientist.  Most importantly, refrain from self-judgement.   There is a reason you feel the way you do.  Do not dismiss it.  Know that there are many, many others who do not represent the happy picture on that Hallmark card today.

Turn off the messages around you that tell you to feel a certain way today.  Tune in to the reality inside you, because that is the thing that is real and true in this moment.  Be grateful for the ability to tune in to what is happening inside you and honor those feelings as you go about your day.   It may seem that everyone around you loves mother’s day and is super happy and you may feel that something is wrong with you.  I assure you, you are not alone.  It’s just that those in pain or feeling ambivalent are often quiet about their feelings today.  Take impeccable care of yourself today because you are amazing!

Until next time,

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