This is the first time I've ever had the courage to "come out" about my use of antidepressants.  It is not something I ever talk about in public.  Only a few trusted people know I've been taking an antidepressant for the last 12 years.  Why is it that I've kept so silent?  I'm terrified of being judged as "not enough" or "Nadine couldn't handle life on her own".   It is only now that I'm weaning off my antidepressant that I'm speaking up. I wish I had spoken up sooner.

I really struggled after having my kids.  Baby #1 brought a complex mix of postpartum depression and a sleep disorder that wasn't caught soon enough.  Although sleep was better with baby #2, I needed to return to the antidepressant to give me the boost of normal functioning I needed.  Again, I didn't catch it soon enough.  With baby #3, I was vigilant.  10 days post birth, I felt myself go into the tank and called my doctor who immediately prescribed the medication.  The medication was my saving grace in all three cases.  It helped me function at a "normal" level in terms of energy.

Kid #3 was 12 years ago.  Over the last 12 years, I've tried unsuccessfully several times to wean off of the medication.  I would wean a bit and then get to a really low place in my body and mind -- a place that was all too familiar.  My doctor suggested adding at least 45 minutes of cardio exercise daily.  It didn't work.  Each time I went back to the full strength medication, I felt such relief and gratitude.  Taking this medication was just part of my daily routine, which I did very happily.

It wasn't until I got the craziness of my food addiction under control that I started to feel amazing.  My food plan healed my brain and fuelled me with a surprising amount of energy and vigor.  I could hardly believe it.  Everything in my life got so much better because I felt so much better in my body and mind.  This made me think that it might be fun and possible to try the weaning process again from this anchored place of stability.  So I decided to go for it with no real expectations a few months ago.

It has been an adventure, to say the least.  I will leave it at that for now, but stay tuned...more is coming.

Until next time,