For many, the end of the year is a fantastic time to make New Year’s resolutions. The idea of entering the New Year with a “clean slate” appeals to many, and may be the impetus needed to implement change in one of more areas of life. You are likely aware (according to a popular statistic) that only 8 percent of people actually keep their New Year’s resolutions. Grim, I know. Do you want to be successful at making your intentions come to life this year? Then maybe you’d like to approach the idea of New Year’s resolutions a little bit differently this time.
Consider steering away from setting goals, and instead think about values. The problem with goals is that they have a destination, an end point, and then what? You either meet them or you don’t. Whether you fulfill your goal or not, you may feel lost and demotivated afterwards. Instead, why not think about HOW you want to live, the qualities of living that are most important to you? Some examples include living with vitality, being authentic, putting marriage/family first, and practicing integrity in business. These qualities of living are what we call VALUES.
The difference between values and goals is that values do not have an end destination and because of that, they are much more accessible to us at any moment, in any context. Values are more like a direction—no matter how west you travel, you can always keep going west. Values are powerful tools that you keep in your back pocket, ready to use any time. When you move in the direction of your values, sometimes you end up accomplishing your goals anyway.
To figure out what your values are, use the following questions to guide you:
What matters to me in the big picture?
What personal strengths and qualities do I presently have, or want to develop?
If someone stood up on my birthday and gave a speech about what I stand for, what I mean to them, and what role I’ve played in their life, what would they say (in an IDEAL world)?
If you are still stumped figuring out what your values are, start with a goal, and then ask yourself, “why do I want to accomplish this goal?” Keep on asking “why?” until you reach the gem underneath. For example, suppose my goal is to lose X number of pounds. Why do I want to lose that weight? Because losing it would help me feel better about myself, more comfortable in my skin. Why is that important to me? If I feel better about myself, I’ll feel more confident. Also, I will have more energy because I am not overindulging regularly. Why is feeling confident important to me? Because increased confidence will help me take more risks in relationships and business, enhancing both. Why is having more energy important to me? Having more energy will help me feel happier in my relationships; I’ll have more to give; I’ll feel more present with others. After some digging, I can see that being connected in relationships is important to me, as is living with energy and vitality. My goal of losing weight is in service of my values of energy and vitality, and feeling more present and connected in my relationships.
The neat thing about tethering yourself to your values is that you can test your decisions against them. Will this choice take me in the direction of my values or away from them? For example, will overindulging on dinner give me greater energy and vitality? Will it enhance the relationships that are most important to me? The other neat thing about tethering yourself to values is that you cannot fail; you simply just keep moving in your chosen direction. If you start moving in the opposite direction, you notice it and turn around. Clarifying your values can give shape, meaning, purpose, and direction to your life.
What do you think of steering towards values and away from goals? It certainly is not as glamorous as the traditional ideas around setting New Year’s resolutions. But I wonder if it may produce enduring rather than fleeting change.
Until next time,
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