According to William Glasser, we are genetically encoded with five basic needs:
Survival
Love and belonging
Power
Freedom, and
Fun.
Why should you care? Because knowing about your basic needs and the level of each that you need can help you be more self-aware which in turn, may improve your relationships and the quality of your life. If you think of yourself as a “control freak”, you can take comfort in the fact that power is a basic need that everyone has, in varying levels. If you think of yourself as weak for depending on others, or desperately wanting to belong to someone intimately, this is your need for love and belonging manifesting. If you feel guilty for being independent and not needing to settle down in one place, your need for freedom may be high.
Here’s a closer look at the five basic needs and how you can become aware of them in your life:
- Survival—do you have a low or high tolerance for risk? If you are less willing to take risks than most people, you have a high need for survival.
- Love and belonging—how much are you willing to give, not take, in relationships? Do you have a high desire for close or intimate relationships? Do you have a few close friends (high desire for love) or many friendships (high desire for belonging)?
- Power—do you often want to have things your way? Do you want to come out on top, ahead of everyone else? Do you want to be seen as right in what you do and say? Do you want to have the last word, or to “own” others?
- Freedom—do you want and crave independence? Do you like to live many places and have many relationships? Do you like to figure things out by yourself? Are you a rule follower or a non-conformist?
- Fun—do you enjoy learning? Do you love to laugh? Laughing and learning define fun.
All day every day we work to satisfy our basic needs in a variety of ways. The strategies we use are often unconscious, that is, they are ingrained so deeply into our psyches that we are not aware of them. When our way of satisfying a basic need is problematic (i.e., it moves us away from what is important to us), we can bring awareness to it and ponder if there is a more effective way to satisfy that need.
The basic needs are interesting in relationships. Two people who each have a high need for power will butt heads continuously. One who has a high need for love and belonging and another who has a high need for freedom may need to compromise. A relationship where both people have a high need for love, low needs for power and freedom, and a high need for fun may be ideal. However, many combinations work depending on the couple’s ability to prioritize the needs of the relationship over their individual needs.
Take a minute to ponder how you tick in terms of the five basic needs. You may be surprised at how much you learn about yourself and your relationships!
Until next time,
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