Our default response to pain of any kind is to avoid it as much as possible. We take medication, wish it would go away so that we can get back to regular life, and generally feel that life would be a lot better without it. This tendency to avoid pain is evolutionary—it was necessary for our ancestors to protect themselves from even the possibility of pain because it meant the difference between life and death. Now, however, there are no lions chasing us or wolves lurking in the bushes.
Emotional pain and suffering feels awful. It feels uncomfortable. We want to distance ourselves from it lest we be drowned in it with no way out. A good majority of us don’t know how to relate to pain. We think, “If I could just feel better, I could get on with my life.” Have you noticed, though, that the more we avoid pain and discomfort, the more they come back with renewed strength? It’s like playing a game of whack-a-mole. I’ve tried whacking pain down so many times but it just shows up again and again, perhaps disguised as anger or showing up in a different area of life.
Why explore the pain? Won’t that just make me feel worse? Yes, and no. Experiencing pain for no reason seems pointless and plain miserable. You wouldn't want to put yourself through that. But what if facing the pain has the possibility of helping you live a happier, fuller, more meaningful life? What if exploring the pain means that you will have more energy to do the things you love, enjoy the people you care about, and generally enjoy your life more? These are the possibilities that pain offers.
Following are three ways you can begin the process of exploring your pain. Take some time to mull over or better yet, journal about the following:
- Pain as your ally: What does this pain tell you about what really matters, what you truly care about?
- Pain as your teacher: How can this pain help you to grow or learn or develop new skills and strengths? How can it help you better relate to others?
- From worrying to caring: What do your fears, worries, and anxieties show you that you care about? What do they remind you is very important?
The experience of pain for its own sake can seem pointless unless you shape into something. Pain can swallow you or it can be the bridge to a happier, more meaningful and purpose-driven life. Which do you choose?
Until next time,
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