I only push so much before I back down.  I knew this about myself, but I experienced it anew yesterday at Taco Bell when I ordered 2 beef supreme tacos WITHOUT the shell WITH extra extra lettuce and tomatoes.  I already felt self conscious asking because I am usually not one of "those" people who orders anything "special".  Add the long line up and a bank card that wouldn't swipe and my family waiting in the car -- you can imagine the internal pressure that was mounting inside.

When I ended up with a tiny gravy container of meat, cheese, lettuce, and tomato, I was in shock.  I stood there and tried to make eye contact with the person who took my order.  Nothing.  Internal pressure mounting.  Feeling uncomfortable.  Finally I was able to explain that this is not what I was hoping for and a behind-the-counter person said, yes, this is what you ordered, and, what you are asking for we don't do -- that would cost $4-5 extra!  Frustration high.  Glucose low.  Pressure, pressure, pressure.  More self conscious.  Then I observed myself shrinking away and backing down.  Interesting.

Interesting to observe myself and my tendencies in these situations.  I think next time I'll experiment with standing my ground.  What would that look like?  It scares me a bit.  Why does it scare me?  Well, growing up when I stood my ground, it didn't work out very well.  It felt unsafe to stand my ground.  Hmmm.  Food for thought.

Until next time,