A couple of weeks ago, I turned 40.  Gulp.  I have never had the thoughts and feelings I experienced leading up to and on that day on any other birthday.  Here is a sampling of the thoughts that went through my head:

 

 “Wow, I’m getting old.”

 “I’ve lived more or less half my life.”

 “Yep, I’m middle aged now.”

 “Have I made my years count?”

 “I’m finally legit!  I’m 40!”

“I wonder what the next decade will bring?”

“I’m only 40 – I can’t wait to see how my career develops over the next 10 years.”

“Am I becoming less cool?  It’s inevitable.”

“I hate those grey hairs that are coming in.”

 “Should I start dying my hair?”

“It’s been harder to lose weight.  It’s because I’m aging.  I guess I’m doomed in that regard.” 

 

And then the feelings.  Feeling sad, scared, and excited all at the same time.  A whiff of sadness that I’m squarely “over the hill”; I’m no longer the young one.  Scared of what “over the hill” means in terms of, well, just getting older.  Excited about what the next decade will bring in terms of knowing myself, building my career, and going on adventures.  Certainly a mixed bag of thoughts and feelings.

 

Watching those thoughts and feelings rise and fall, appear and disappear, stay for a while and go, has been quite the bumpy ride.  And in the midst of observing those thoughts and feelings is a desire to make my life count.  To set intentions.  To live the kind of life that is aligned with all the things I say are most important to me.  This includes:

 

Doing things wholeheartedly. 

Saying no.

Living simply.

Being the master of my thoughts. 

Living in my body.

Laughing a lot.

Staying true to myself.

 

If nothing else, turning 40 is a chance to pause and think about what is important to me and if I am making choices that move me in the direction of those things.  And for that, I am thankful.

 

Until next time,

 

 

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