If you would like to read the preamble to this discussion about how we relate to food, you can read here and here. In this post I am going to delve into the external and internal pulls we feel when it comes to food. Have you given thought to how external and internal forces influence how you think about and relate to food? We are driven by both. lAs you read on, I encourage you to think about which one you are most predominantly driven by.
The external is anything outside of ourselves and the internal is anything within ourselves. Here are some examples:
External focus:
- Deciding what to eat based on how you want your body to look [e.g. I want to lose weight so I’m going to eat less processed food and more vegetables.]
- Deciding what to eat based on the number on the scale [ e.g. The number on the scale is up; I should eat less or X kind of food. OR The number on the scale is down; I can go crazy with treats for one day.]
- Eating in accordance to the current set of food rules you’re following [e.g. Low carb, paleo, keto, 21-day fix.]
- Categorizing food into good and bad [e.g. Sugar is bad. Honey is okay. White bread is bad. Whole grains are good. Butter is bad. Peanut butter is bad. Almond butter is good. Milk is bad. Almond milk is good. Leafy greens are good. Vinaigrette dressing is good. Ranch dressing is bad. Chicken is good. Chicken with the skin on is bad. And so on.]
- Counting calories or tracking macros [e.g. I overate by 300 calories today.]
- Eating according to how much you exercise [e.g. I went for a run this morning so I deserve a treat.]
- Concern about what to eat in social situations or while on vacation [e.g. What if I screw up my diet while on vacation? What if the restaurant has tempting things?]
Focusing on the external can:
- pull us into diet mentality
- keep us on a merry-go-round of distraction and avoidance of our internal state
- be concerned more with rules than feelings and sensations
Internal focus:
- Deciding what food to eat based on how you feel [e.g. Eating because you feel hungry or have low energy]
- Asking questions such as:
How does this food I’m eating make me feel?
What thoughts am I thinking right now?
How does it feel to be in my body right now?
Am I hungry? How can I tell I’m hungry?
Do I feel full? What does it feel like to feel full?
Do I feel stuffed? How can I tell I’m stuffed?
How is my energy level right now?
How does my mind feel right now? Does it feel clear? Foggy?
Focusing on the internal can help you:
-neutralize judgement about what is good food and bad food
-feel more comfortable in your body
-get in tune with your hunger and satiety signals
The tug-of-war
What often happens is that a tug-of-war occurs between the external and internal. I call this a tug-of-war because when we focus more on the external, the internal shrinks. When we focus more on the internal, the external shrinks. We only have so much bandwidth.
When it comes to food and the body, it can be much harder to pay attention to the internal vs. the external. Why?
- The internal seems less tangible and more abstract
- The internal is less comfortable; we are programmed to flee from discomfort
- The internal is less focused on action and planning so it may feel like nothing is getting accomplished
- The internal is slow
- The internal may bring up ways we are blinding ourselves that we may not want to face or accept
- The internal does not promise tangible results [e.g. A changed body]
I believe that the secret to having a healthy relationship with food lies in hopping off the external-focus bus and getting on the internal-focus bus. It is a daily and life-long practice. It is a messy road. It promises increased self-awareness. How to start? Read here for three ideas to get you started and stay tuned for a more in-depth look at the nuts and bolts of how this can work for you.
Until next time,
Individual and couples counselling services for those in Colwood, Langford, Metchosin, Sooke, and all of Greater Victoria