More often than not, I wake up feeling anxious.  My brain immediately seems to jump to anxious thought patterns about what I need to get done, what I did not accomplish yesterday, how far I still have to go in many areas of my life, and a general dissatisfaction with life.  Most every morning, it’s the same old story.  I am a perfectly healthy- looking human being caught up in my own world of negative and anxious thinking.  I also can feel it in my body, whether it be a pit in my stomach, tension in my shoulders, heavy limbs, or a low-grade headache.

I used to ignore these uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and sensations by reaching for my phone and getting lost in email and social media.  It was a convenient analgesic for a long time. But since I started leaving my phone downstairs at bedtime, I no longer have this escape.  I am thankful because a) the length and quality of my sleep has improved dramatically, and b) this is an opportunity for me to grow, and offers the possibility of more energetic, authentic, and meaningful living. 

I have always known my basic make-up to be slightly melancholic, and I can tend toward perfectionism and being hard on myself.   I also know that I am resilient, funny, and can be positive and encouraging towards myself.  What I have become more fully aware of lately, are the default anxious thought patterns that effortlessly flood into my mind upon waking, and how shitty I feel before my feet even hit the ground.  I want to wake up and start my day feeling energized, motivated, and refreshed.  I am thankful for this awareness because now that I know what’s happening, I can work with it. 

So, how am I going to deal with the few minutes between waking up and feet hitting the floor?  How can I quiet my “monkey mind”? How to deal with uncomfortable feelings? I am going to try several experiments on myself and see which “work”.  I will take this on with a playful and curious attitude and see what comes of it.  Here are a few ideas I think I can experiment with upon waking:

1) A 3 minute body scan where I let the weight of my body be heavy on the mattress, and starting at my toes and working up, breathe into and relax each part of my body, letting go of any tension by thinking about each part melting and dissolving into the mattress.

2) Unhooking from my thoughts: sometimes it is hard to know exactly what my thoughts are because it feels like they are tangled up like a ball of rubber bands. Unhooking will require me to a) make room for that jumbled up ball of rubber bands feeling, and b) identify what the thoughts are and create some distance from them.  Essentially the idea is to bring my attention to what I am experiencing here and now, a sort of mindfulness meditation. So, perhaps this idea has two parts:

Part I: making space for the uncomfortable feeling—the O.O.S. strategy

Observe the feeling by noticing where it is most intense in the body.  Objectify it by asking what it would look like if it were an object: Would it be liquid, solid, or gas?  How big is it?  What temperature is it?  What color is it?  What shape is it?  Is it at the surface or inside me?  Self-compassion: place a hand where I feel the feeling most intensely, see if I can open up around it, and send some warmth into this area. 

Part II: unhooking from thoughts

When I’m able to pinpoint a thought, I will imagine writing it down on a slip of paper and pinning it to a bulletin board. 

I am committing to playing around with these ideas upon waking up, and I anticipate a lot of “monkey mind” at first.  I will need to practice patience and self-compassion.  I am excited about what I will learn both in the experience of these exercises, what will happen to the anxious thought patterns, and how this new self-awareness may help me live a more energetic and meaningful life!

Until next time,

Counselling Services in Langford, Colwood, Metchosin, and Greater Victoria