Each of us has a window of tolerance.  What the heck is this, you may ask?  Your window of tolerance is the psychological space where you feel calm, clear, and comfortable.  You feel safe physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Your heart rate is regular, your body is in a relaxed yet somewhat alert state, and you are able to think logically, make sense of things, and function in a conscious and meaningful way, however that looks to you.  Living life inside your window of tolerance is ideally where you want to spend most of your time.

What happens when you operate outside your window of tolerance?  One of two automatic defensive states occur:

1. Hyperarousal [too much arousal – fight or flight].  You may experience any of the following symptoms: Your heart is racing and your palms are sweaty.  Your mouth is dry.  You are so full of emotion that it feels like something in you will burst.  Your thoughts are racing and you are struggling to find words.  You can’t make sense of things or manage your emotions.  You, quite simply, feel overwhelmed.  It is very difficult, if not impossible, to problem solve, feel calm and clear, and function in a conscious and meaningful way.  You are hyperaroused.
2. Hypoarousal [too little arousal – immobilization ]. You may experience any of the following symptoms:  You feel lethargic.  Your limbs feel heavy.  It is hard for you to feel much of any kind of emotion because you are numb.  You may feel depressed and have such low energy that it is hard to get going.  Your brain feels like mush.  You are “zoned out.”  It is very tough to problem solve, think clearly, and function in a conscious and meaningful way in this state.   You are hypoaroused.

Everybody experiences moments outside their window of tolerance.  Those who have witnessed or suffered trauma in their past may spend a lot of time operating outside their window of tolerance.  A counsellor can help clients a] have more moments inside their window of tolerance and b] increase the size of their window of tolerance.  This takes time, built on the foundation of a good relationship with the counsellor.  Learning to handle overwhelm or underwhelm is a slow and gentle process and can be the beginning of healing and transformation.

Practices that bring you to the “here and now” can help you move inside your window of tolerance.  For many, this will feel foreign because the mind and body are caught in a loop of anxiety by default.  Anxiety keeps hypervigilance and the sense of danger alive.    Anxiety takes our minds and bodies away from what is here and now.

Now that you are aware of the window of tolerance, think about yours.  Can you identify when you are living outside your window of tolerance in a state of hyper- or hypo-arousal?   In contrast, when are you living inside your window of tolerance?

Until next time,

Individual and couples counselling in the Westshore

Serving Langford, Colwood, Metchosin, Sooke, and all of Greater Victoria