What people, things/experiences, and beliefs do you return to over and over again to satisfy one or more of your basic needs?  This is your “quality world” according to Dr. William Glasser’s choice theory. We begin putting images in our quality world straight from birth, and over our lifetime we edit and recreate this Shangri-La of sorts.  Basically, your quality world is a collection of specific pictures that make you feel good—people, things/experiences, and beliefs. 

 

Why is this important?

Knowing about the concept of quality world can help you figure out why you do the things you do and it can help you understand the same for others, thereby significantly improving your important relationships.

I’d like you to reflect on what is in your quality world.  Here are some examples:

People: friends, parents, children, spouse/partner, teachers, yourself (we tend to think of ourselves either in a slightly idealized way or an extremely idealized way).

Things/experiences: hobbies, travel, living in a certain kind of house, job or career, higher education, exercise, family time, expensive furniture or clothing, food, music, being productive, alcohol, drugs, sex, porn

Ideas or beliefs:

Overindulging on _______ (food, porn, alcohol, fill in the blank) is fun and makes me feel great.

I don’t trust anyone and thus protect myself at all costs.

I can trust and depend on others.

My worth is dependent on my performance.

I can figure anything out if I persevere.

I will be much happier if I _________ (e.g., lose weight, make X amount of money, etc.)

It is important to keep up appearances and “look” the right way to others

Work hard, play hard.

I need to impress or please others for them to think well of me.

Men should be the providers of the family.

Women should not depend on anyone but themselves.

Men shouldn’t show emotions because that is a sign of weakness.

Life is too short not to take risks and live dangerously.

Life is about service—others first, me last.

Having sex before marriage is wrong.

 

Three points to ponder

1) The pictures in your quality world are not necessarily life-giving, but they work on some level to satisfy a basic need.

2) A picture can remain in your quality world long after it doesn’t work anymore because removing it may be too difficult or painful.

3) Conflict can arise when there are two opposing pictures in your quality world.  Examples: a lean body vs. the belief that overindulging is fun; others first, me last vs. impeccable self-care; keeping up appearances is important vs. the value of authenticity.  When this struggle between opposing forces arises, you can end up feeling stuck—wanting something, yet somehow, also resisting it.  The best way to deal with this resistance is to become aware of it and have compassion on yourself in order to loosen the frustration the conflict presents.  From there, you can work on strengthening the picture that is most in service of a fulfilling life, the picture that aligns with your values.

 

How does knowing this information make a difference for me today?

When you are aware of what is in your quality world, you can reflect on which pictures are helping you live your best life and which are not.  This understanding is often the springboard to positive change. In relationships, when you realize that everybody is living their life according to the unique features of their Shangri la (a.k.a. quality world), you will start to appreciate perspectives and behaviors that are different than your own. The more you learn about what is in somebody else’s quality world and strive to support it, the more harmonious your relationships will be.

 

Here’s to seeking greater understanding of ourselves and others so that we can live life to the fullest!

 

Until next time,

 

 

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