I've often thought that I don't deserve to take up space in the binge eating recovery world because all the while I struggled, I was (and am) in an average size body.  At my highest recorded weight (aside from pregnancy), is 30 pounds heavier than I am today and by today's standards, would be considered average or slightly overweight.

Because my body size never showed the chaos that binge eating brought, I isolated and denied I had a problem for a long time.  In my mind as long as I wasn't too fat, I was fine.  I was reluctant to share my struggles with people because they simply didn't think I had a problem.  I spent my entire first marriage in and out of the food and never said a word about my struggle.  It's only in the last few years that I've come out, really out, with my struggle with food.

Why is it that people think it's silly or "cute" when an average sized person eats all the things?  They laugh it off, they comment that they're not sure where I put it all, they marvel at my "fast metabolism".  Inside, I'm dying.  I'm trying to compensate for my binges with exercise and fasting.  I'm walled off from connecting with people.  I'm just waiting for my next "fix".  I hide the evidence.  I replace the food I ate.  I eat in the car.  I eat when everyone's in bed.  I will spend any amount of money to get my fix.  I'm out of control, completely and utterly out of control.  AND I'm in an average sized body.  Being in an average sized body carries its own burden.

If you are in an average sized body and struggle with binge eating, you are not alone.  I see you.  I understand you.  I love you.  I'm here for you.  You are legitimate.  The pain may not show on your body, but it's there internally in the form of grief, shame, self loathing, and isolation.

Until next time,