Do you ever wonder why at times, it seems difficult to move forward with behaviors that you know will benefit you? While it may seem that our behaviors are simply actions, there is more to it. The four components which make up human behavior are: what we do, what we think, how we feel, and our physiology (physical sensations). These components influence each other and determine what we actually end up doing. Feeling physically sluggish? This might trigger the thought, “I’m lazy” or “I wonder if I’m getting sick?” and the action of lying down or watching TV. Thinking “I’ll never finish this project”? This might trigger a feeling of discouragement and the behavior of giving up. Just finished running a marathon? You may be thinking, “I can do anything!”, feel proud of yourself, and sign up for another physical challenge.
Of the four components of human behavior, the most accessible to us are doing and thinking. Do you want to change something in your life? Start with changing what you do or what you think. Here are a few examples of how this might work in your life:
You wake up feeling tired and your mind is racing with all the things you need to get done today.
Do: Make a list of everything on your mind.
Think: What are the one to three most important things on my list? I’ll do those and not worry about the rest.
Do: Catch some fresh air and go for a walk.
Think: This feels good. How else can I take care of myself today?
Do: Sit up in bed and notice everything around you—the sights, sounds, and smells.
Think: I’m feeling pretty anxious right now. Is there anything I can do that would ease my anxiety, or do I just need to let it come and go on its own?
Your boss just criticized something you did. You feel awful and are beating yourself up with thoughts of ,“I’m not good enough”.
Do: Take a few minutes to write down what happened and how it made you feel.
Think: Wow, I feel so crappy. This one thing does not determine my worth, though. What could I have done differently? Is there anything I need to do right now?
Do: Go get a warm drink and sip it slowly.
Think: Well, that sucked. And now I’m beating myself up. And, I’m mad at my boss. How can I be extra kind to myself right now? Is there something I can learn about myself from this?
Do: Take a five-minute walk.
Think: What nub of truth can I integrate into my life from this experience? How can I use this experience to my advantage rather than to bog me down?
You feel depressed.
Do: Write down one thing you want to do and one thing you need to do today.
Think: This list is manageable. I can get these two things done today.
Do: Go for a 20-minute walk.
Think: This walk may give me some energy. It feels good to take care of myself.
Do: Have a shower and get dressed.
Think: I don’t want to get ready for the day, but I think I’ll feel better when I do.
Wrapping it up
Changing what you do and/or what you think is a great way to trigger a response in how you feel and your physiology. When you feel stuck in your feelings, you can “do” and “think” your way out as a way to loosen the stuckness. Start with small actions and small ways of reframing your thoughts. You may be surprised at the power that doing and thinking have in the process of change, especially when change is difficult because of how you feel.
Until next time,
Counselling Services in Langford, Colwood, Metchosin, and all of Greater Victoria